June 2011

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Run Sarah Run

By Thomas Vincent

Interested readers are invited to check out Tom's Political Blog "Certain Doubt"

We all have our guilty media pleasures. Some delight in “ Dancing with the Stars”; some set their TEVO for “American Idol”; some poor slobs even hang on Rush Limbaugh’s, Sean Hannity’s, or Glenn Beck’s every word.

My guilty pleasure is Sarah Palin.

Maybe it’s her beauty pageant looks. Maybe it’s the way she teases us with her “will she or won’t she” campaign tactics. Perhaps it’s her Teflon ability to spew forth equivocations and outright lies and NEVER get called on them by the press. Maybe it’s all of the above.

Whatever it is, I find myself fascinated, riveted, like a moth drawn to a lonely light bulb on a hot summer night. I hate everything Sarah Palin professes to stand for. I think she would be ten times the debacle as president that George W. Bush ever was. But still, I can’t help hoping that Sarah Palin decides to run for President.

Part of my desire to see Sara run is the sheer glee I will feel as the republican party does its best impression of a clown-car that implodes while driving off a cliff. (Who doesn’t like a good explosion?) The unmitigated horror displayed by political operatives like Karl Rove when John McCain chose her as his running mate would be multiplied exponentially if she decided to run.

Much as I would love to see the republican establishment squirm, however, I have to admit that in my heart of hearts I want Sarah to run simply because of the sheer entertainment value. She is so off the wall that one almost can’t believe she is saying the things she does. Palin is like the poor talentless entrant on American Idol. You know, the one that can’t carry a tune in a bucket but who keeps getting passed on to the next level simply because she makes the rest of the singers look that much better.

George W. Bush was a buffoon as president. His malapropism’s were legendary. Few remember, however, that as a candidate his handlers painted him as a serious, moderate, and compassionate conservative. I think if Sarah Palin runs, her handlers are going to have difficulty painting her as anything other than what she is: a media whore, a publicity junkie, and a complete and utter religious nut job.

Am I worried that she could actually gain enough political traction, money, and votes to unseat Barrack Obama? Let me state this as clearly as I can. There is absolutely no way Sarah Palin will ever defeat Barrack Obama. Period. End of story. I don’t care how many Citizen’s United funded feature films are done of her life and political “triumphs.” Even if Andrew Breitbart produces footage of Obama in the Oval office with a flock of illegitimate sheep, Sarah Palin will never defeat him at the polls. In fact, the only way Sarah Palin can defeat Obama is by not running.


Because without a Sarah Palin or Donald Trump to run against, people might actually see Obama for what he is: a middle of the road appeaser who will never stand by his principles and will always give in to republican ultimatums. Without Palin, the president stands naked before the American people as yet one more politician who promises the moon but when push comes to shove can’t even deliver a hunk of mouldy green cheese. Without Sarah Palin, people will stay away from the polls in droves.

With Sarah Palin in the race, Obama can appear as the last reasonable man in the room. People will turn out to vote, if for no other reason to stop her from becoming the one with her finger on the trigger of the world’s largest nuclear arsenal.

Voters will also turn out for the spectacle. This next presidential election threatens to be the most boring one ever. Imagine the ratings for a presidential debate between Barrack Obama and Gov. Tim Pawlenty. The sound of remote controls changing channels would be positively deafening.

Now imagine that same debate between Obama and Sarah Palin. Imagine the Saturday Night Live skit that would almost certainly ensue, maybe even broadcast simultaneously. The TV networks would drool over the possibility of showing such an event.

Imagine the fun we would all have speculating about who her running mate should be. I mean, who could Sarah Palin possibly name as vice-president that could make her seem main-stream and rational? Harold “rapture” Camping? Lastly, a Palin presidency would be a godsend to one industry that has suffered mightily since Obama was elected. I’m referring, of course to political cartoonists. With his lanky frame and distinct face, Obama is eminently suited for caricature. But his words are so measured, reasonable, and rational that political satirists have been dying the death of a thousand cuts. With Sarah Palin in the mix, however, those humorists who delight in poking fun at public figures would be given a foil worthy of their talents.

One thing is for sure. If Sarah Palin does decide to run for president in 2012, the first three people she should hit up for a donation are Jay Leno, Dave Letterman, and Tina Fey!